Angel Indeed
by Elphie Marky
Summary: Set the day after Angel's death but still before the funeral, Mark reflects on Angel. MarkAngel


**Disclaimer:** Jonathan owns the characters and my soul.

It was hard to believe she was really gone. I mean, really gone. Like not coming home. She wasn't on a run to The Food Emporium because there wasn't any milk left. She wasn't downstairs comforting Mimi after she got into a fight with Roger. She was gone… forever. It broke my heart knowing I'd never see her face again: her smiling eyes and ever-changing wig. Never again would she dance before my camera in happiness, not letting the disease eating away at her rain on her parade.

I was going to miss our long talks too. When Collins was away, she'd stop by the loft with cookies or brownies or something thoughtful like that. Roger and Mimi would eat them and then go somewhere, leaving the two of us.

_"You'll find someone, Marky," she'd reassure, "just wait."_

_"Huh?"_

_"I see the way you look at Roger and Mimi," she'd laugh. "I can see the longing. You're an amazing guy, sweetie. A girl would be lucky to have you." A ruffling of blonde hair._

_"Oh, Angel," I'd laugh. "I don't need anyone but…" I'd stop and look into her eyes._

_"Shh…"_

Somehow, I think she knew deep down how I felt about everything. About Roger and Mimi. About Maureen and Joanne. About our friends. About her. It was hard to watch every single one of them have someone. Not only was it ingrained in my mind, but permanently etched on film.

I looked down at the picture in my hand. Angel. Smiling and happy. A few months before she started growing weaker. Collins went to see her everyday. He stayed for hours just holding her hand. I came as often as I could.

_"Hold them together for me," she'd say, taking my hand. "Don't let them separate."_

_"Anything, Angel."_

That was the last time. Yesterday afternoon. We got the call late last night from Collins telling us she'd passed. It was a good thing Roger answered the phone. I could tell from the look in his eyes as he hung up that it wasn't good. I started crying. Mimi was a mess. Roger had to deal with her. She was much worse off than I was. I think she was afraid too. Scared that she was going to go through that too someday. Roger had the same expression written on his face. I just came in here and cried. The battered picture had hardly left my hand. When I finally found sleep, it was only when I tucked the picture inside my pillowcase. Her memory close to my mind.

Sighing, I stood up. I rifted through some old film reels until I came upon the one I wanted. Tears of joy filled my eyes as the image of Angel danced on the screen.

_"Marky, make sure you get this on film."_

_"It's rolling."_

_She danced around banging her drumsticks on everything._

_"Ow," Roger cried as they brushed through his dirty blonde locks._

_"Baby, shush," Mimi snuggled closer to him. "Keep going Angel, Roger's just being a baby."_

I laughed at the memory. Angel and her drumsticks. I missed her so much now. I almost regret not telling her. But I couldn't. I'd never have her. She's Collins' Angel. Not my Angel. Maybe she knew. Maybe it was better that way. An unmentioned secret.

"Mark?"

I turned to see a tall figure hovering in my doorway. "Yeah, Rog?"

He walked inside and sat beside me. He looked upset. "I…"

"You miss Angel?"

"Yeah," he choked. "It's so much harder than I thought. With Mimi. She's a mess down there, I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had to leave."

"You left her alone upset like this?" my eyes widened as they locked on Roger's.

He nodded. "I just couldn't handle it anymore. No amount of hugging or kissing or 'Everything will be okay' was going to help her."

"Roger, you should go down and make sure she's okay," I replied. "She knew Angel for awhile, she's just devastated and… and scared too probably."

"So am I," his hand ran through his mane of hair. "I'm leaving."

"What!" I was caught completely off-guard by that.

"I sold my… my Fender and…"

"You sold your guitar?" I practically screamed. "You love that thing more than life."

"I got a car," he went on. "I'm leaving for… for New Mexico in a few days."

"Is Mimi okay with this?" I was ready to cry again. I couldn't lose anyone else. Not Roger and Mimi too.

"She doesn't know," he said. "I'm not taking her. I just can't handle it anymore. Our relationship, anything. I'm just going to Santa Fe to… to start over."

"Roger…"

"It'll get better for you Mark," he said. "You've got everything going for you. You don't need me getting sick and holding you back. You'll get your film going, be famous, and have all you ever wanted. You'll still have Maureen and Joanne. You won't lose a thing."

"I already lost everything," I cried. I couldn't believe I just said that. "Now you too."

"Everything?" Roger looked at me. "We just lost Ang… oh."

I looked at him, worry and fright dancing in my eyes. "Don't tell Collins."

"She'll always be right here," his hand touched my heart. "And right there," he pointed to the screen where Angel was paused mid dance move. "And I'll always be right here." His hand touched my forehead. "How could you forget someone like me?"

I laughed. Roger was someone who didn't leave your mind readily. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too," Roger said. "But it's for everyone's good."

He got up and left so suddenly. Already I was letting Angel down.

_"Hold them together for me," she'd say, taking my hand. "Don't let them separate."_

So much for that. "Sorry, Angel," I looked up at the ceiling – past the ceiling. Up to heaven. I was sure Angel was there now, receiving her hard-earned wings. An Angel indeed at last.

**Fin**


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